26th October 2023

Interpersonal Relationships

‘Friendship . . . is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . . ” ‘ – C.S. Lewis

Laws of attraction

In his book ‘The Acquaintance Process’ (1961), Thomas Newman identified four key factors that affect the probability of making a friend:

Proximity – We are more likely to become friends with someone with whom we are in close contact.

Similarity – We are drawn to people who share our beliefs and values.

Reciprocity – We like people who like us.

Complementarity – We prefer the company of those who complement our skills and abilities.

Of the four, proximity was deemed the most important factor in determining the chance of making an acquaintance. Propinquity, a term used to describe accidental proximity, was explored by Segal (1974). In this study, police trainees were assigned to seats in alphabetical order. When asked to rank their three closest friends at the end of the term, there was a strong correlation between seating order and friendship.

Types of Love

In the late 1980s, social psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed seven types of love, with key distinctions in the presence of three factors: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of connectedness; passion comprises romantic feelings, and commitment involves feelings that lead to long-term shared goals.

Friendship – Intimacy is present, but passion and commitment in the romantic sense are absent.

Infatuation – Passion is present, but intimacy and commitment are absent.

Empty love – Commitment is present, but passion and intimacy are absent.

Romantic love – Both intimacy and passion are present, but commitment is absent.

Compassionate love – Both intimacy and commitment are present, but passion is absent.

Fatuous love – Both passion and commitment are present, but intimacy is absent.

Consummate love – The presence of all three components – jackpot!

References

• Newcomb, T. M. (1961). The acquaintance process. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
• Segal, M. W. (1974). Alphabet and attraction: An unobtrusive measure of the effect of propinquity in a field setting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(5), 654–657.
• Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135.